Yoshimi Episode 5 - Dying in the plane

So, here's what happens when you watch too many movies about plane crashes: you get scared. Or, at least, Yoshimi did. On that Wednesday afternoon, she boarded a plane heading towards Brazil, with a connection in Houston before heading to Sao Paulo.


First flight: 3 1/2 hours. Easy. Piece of cake. She always bought the seat by the window. Somehow it attracted her: the view of everything so small down there... except when there was turbulence. Then she hated it. She boarded, took a seat and waited for the others to board, too. Got a magazine, put it back, got a book, read a few lines and put it back again.


"Geez.... why does it take so long? I just want to get to Houston soon...and safe."


The plane finally boards. It seemed like an eternity until the flight attendants started to serve the "food".


"Is THIS the food?Peanuts? Is that all???" she thought to herself, with the indignation of a desperate woman in search of food to kill her anxiety. So unique.


She thinks about asking for more peanuts. "Yeah, can you give me some more, please? Maybe 2 dozen?" But no. Peanuts are full of calories. She decided to munch on a few apple rings she brought in her purse. 


Before half the flight was done, all the apple rings and peanuts were gone. Since there were no turbulences so far, Yoshimi was quite calm. No need for more sugar. Now it's just the landing...


A couple of hours later, Yoshimi is supposed to take the next flight. This one would be a 10-hour flight.  Unfortunately, a couple of months before she had read about another plane crash - the plane had disappeared in the ocean and nobody knew what had happened.


Inside Yoshimi's mind, it was all very clear.... she is sitting in the plane. The other people board. They buckle up their seat belts. The flight attendant explains the emergency procedures, which all in the plane think will save their lives, but not Yoshimi, who had the unfortunate luck to know that it was all BS and nobody would survive a crash. They turn the turbines on. The plane takes off. There is some noise in the engine on the wing, but nobody notices it. Except Yoshimi. She can hear it all. She knows what's coming for them. Then, after an hour or so of a terribly turbulent flight, they hit a major turbulence that makes the plane drop down a few thousand miles. The oxygen masks fall down. The internal pressure drops. People are faiting, and screaming. The plane keeps dropping down, just like in a rollercoaster. Yoshimi hates that feeling. She hates rollercoasters to the bottom of her heart. It's just like a huge rollercoaster to death. She knew it! She knew she should've booked the next flight, but this one was one buck cheaper. God damn it! One buck! And now she was gonna die....


"Are you OK, ma'am?" the voice of the flight attendant sounded like a thousand-angels choir of harps.  The flight attendant looked puzzled at this small-sized Asian woman who was sweating like a pig inside this high air-conditioned plane, with her eyes wide shut and shaking as if she was in the middle of a blizzard. 


"Y...yes...yeah.." a confused, yet relieved, Yoshimi answered back. Drops of sweat were rolling down the sides of her head. Her hands wore swollen and sweaty. And her mouth was dry, even though she had already drunk a whole bottle of water. They hadn't taken off yet - the flight attendants were walking through the aisles of the plane making sure everything was OK.


The plane started to move and Yoshimi started to pray. She was thinking about the things she thought she would become and she didn't. She thought about when she wanted to be an actress - why the fuck didn't she go to acting school? She thought about the times she wanted to kiss a person and she thought she was too fat or too ugly or that the boy would look at her and say "Yuck!" and ended up not kissing that person. She regretted it now. 


"Now I'm sitting in this plane. And what if it happens like it did to that other plane? What if we just disappear out in the ocean? How did those people feel while they were inside the plane? Can you imagine the despair of a person's final moments? What crossed their minds? What did they feel? How is it to know you're gonna die in a few minutes and you won't even have the chance to re-do everything you did wrong and to tell people you loved them?" she thought, eyes wide shut while the plane was taking off.


But at least for that she was relieved: she called and emailed some people to tell them she loved them. Not everybody, though. And she bought special cat food for her kitty, even though it wasn't her birthday. Maybe she should've done more Yoga. Too late now. That's when she heard the announcement before they served the food:" We are going to serve free wine and beer to our customers in this flight."


"YAYYYYYY!!!!!" she thought. Yoshimi had never, ever, ever drank alcohol in the plane. But she was sure this was her last trip.


"Well, if I'm gonna die, then I'll die happy. I'll get as drunk as a pig and die laughing," she thought, relieved that her last moments would be in peace and happy.


She chose a movie - "He is just not that into you" and started drinking her wine. First, a small bottle of red. Then, white. Then red again. Then white again. And, suddenly, the mysteries of the universe opened up for her in a most comprehensible way. This movie was so wise! It opened her eyes to one of the most complex, intricate, intriguing mysteries of the Universe: why didn't he call????


So, feeling the pain of the main character who would sit in the kitchen watching her cell phone, Yoshimi started crying with her. And laughing. And crying. And laughing. And...ooops. She needed some more wine. She didn't remember anymore which color. Any color would be fine. But she got to be smart....the flight attendant had come back many times already - maybe it would be best to walk to them, at the back of the plane. 


"This flight is sooo smooth...." a happy, stress-free and buzzed Yoshimi thought, while trying to put herself together to walk toward the flight attendants.


"I gotta be real smart. I gotta look real sober. I'm not that drunk, but they might not give me more and I just need one more bottle. I deserve it.... ok, so, let's walk straight... Yoshimi, hold on to the sides of the seats... wait...where is it? Am I walking straight? Yeah...I am..."


"Hey... ma'am?" Yoshimi said, approaching one of the attendants, who looked at her quite surprised.


"Yes? May I help you?"


" Yes...I just woooould like a boooottle of wine.... ahn....red..."


"How much wine have you drunk, young lady? You shouldn't be drinking so much - such a small girl, drinking this much wine!"


"Oh, please, ma'am, just one more....please...." begged Yoshimi, almost crying.


"This is the last one I'm giving you!" and handed Yoshimi another small bottle of red wine.


As happy as a pig in the shit, Yoshimi walked (or tried to) back to her seat. She started drinking her wine and couldn't even feel her body anymore. Until her stomach gave her signs of life. Real signs.  Yoshimi felt something funny in her tummy. She couldn't understand right away what it was, but Nature made her get up on her feet and run through the aisle to the bathroom. And then Nature had its course.


Yoshimi pucked. In the bathroom of a plane, with all that room and that wonderful fan on, she pucked her guts out. Then she looked in the mirror: she looked like shit. Washed her face and walked back to her seat. The attendant asked her if she was alright. Yes. An almost sober, embarrassed yes.


She had to make a couple more trips to the bathroom, for the very same reason. And the attendants made a few more trips to her seat - just to make sure she was well and give her water.


The plane landed and she was safe. If there had been any turbulence, she couldn't really tell. She couldn't remember. But at least she was alive. In a semi-dead state, but still alive.