The Pursuit of Happiness

Beautifully said. "The Pursuit of Happiness". It's been almost a month since I last posted. Nothing much has changed. I'm lighter. I lost some pounds, indeed.
But that is not the point here today I guess. I guess the point is the core of the search. I guess in the bottom of all it is the desire of being happy. But it doesn't seem like I'm doing much towards it, does it?

Days go by and I'm still stuck. I see myself aging and time passing by me and waving, as my hair grows grayer and grayer every day. It's amazing: each day brings me the discovery of a new niche of gray hair and a question, "what am I doing with my life? Why am I letting it escape through my fingers?"

I feel paralyzed. I just can't move and it feels like there are stronger forces acting over my shoulders and arms that won't let me fly. The obsession with losing belly weight seems just like an excuse not to look at what has been frustrating me for the last 10 years. The possibility of reaching something, reaching even a small goal - in this case, lose my belly weight - would be the salvation, the one thing I was able to accomplish. Maybe that's why it became so important.

In a life of no achievements, establishing weight loss and really losing it represents the achievement of a lifetime. Yeah, it's sad. I know.

Here am I, trying to get myself in gear to pursue my happiness. Just trying to get in gear. Because not even there I am now.

I need to write. I need to get my stuff together and send it out. I need to get the stories out of my head. I need to leave fear behind.