The Pursuit of Happiness

Beautifully said. "The Pursuit of Happiness". It's been almost a month since I last posted. Nothing much has changed. I'm lighter. I lost some pounds, indeed.
But that is not the point here today I guess. I guess the point is the core of the search. I guess in the bottom of all it is the desire of being happy. But it doesn't seem like I'm doing much towards it, does it?

Days go by and I'm still stuck. I see myself aging and time passing by me and waving, as my hair grows grayer and grayer every day. It's amazing: each day brings me the discovery of a new niche of gray hair and a question, "what am I doing with my life? Why am I letting it escape through my fingers?"

I feel paralyzed. I just can't move and it feels like there are stronger forces acting over my shoulders and arms that won't let me fly. The obsession with losing belly weight seems just like an excuse not to look at what has been frustrating me for the last 10 years. The possibility of reaching something, reaching even a small goal - in this case, lose my belly weight - would be the salvation, the one thing I was able to accomplish. Maybe that's why it became so important.

In a life of no achievements, establishing weight loss and really losing it represents the achievement of a lifetime. Yeah, it's sad. I know.

Here am I, trying to get myself in gear to pursue my happiness. Just trying to get in gear. Because not even there I am now.

I need to write. I need to get my stuff together and send it out. I need to get the stories out of my head. I need to leave fear behind.

The Reason

Well... the inspiration for this blog didn't come from some questioning over the reason of existence or some attempt to discovering the inner depths of my soul. Nope. Actually, the inspiration was something very mundane: fat.

Yes. I am gaining weight and getting out of shape, every day more. Some common problem that attacks almost every person once or more in their lives. And it has been pretty present in mine.

Last year, by this time, I was 116 pounds and could run up to 8 miles, under the sun. Now, I weight about 125 or 126 pounds of fat, my jeans don't fit anymore and I can barely run 1 mile. It might not seem a lot of weight, but if you think I gained 10 pounds since last November, then... and muscle loss, endurance loss....

So, I am not happy about it but I just can't stop eating. And that is another very common problem. Thinking about how unhappy I am with my shape, I decided to keep track of my eating and exercise again. But this time publicly, to whomever wants to see it.
Yeah, exposing myself. I think that, if I keep a record, I will be able to know where I was, where I am going to, if I am succeeding at accomplishing my goals, and I will be able to demand more discipline from myself.

Or at least this was my inspiration to write this blog.

So this is my journey, from a fat, weak-endurance person, to a leaner, higher-endurance, happier person.
This is the Santiago for now. It might become more. Only time will tell.

The Path to Santiago

Hi. Santiago is a place in Spain where thousands of pilgrims go every year, considered a "holy" place, let's put it this way. People walk 800 km to get there and it's considered a journey into your inner self. Some people even say that, when they finally arrive in Santiago, they arrive there different from when they started their journey. Some say they didn't change a bit.

Santiago will be for me in this blog what I want to be, what I want to accomplish. The path to Santiago is the journey towards the goal, the place to reach. I believe you can do the 800km-journey from wherever in the world you go.